Category Archives: Caregivers


What if

Cancer can often feel like a roll of the dice. The unknown can be the hardest part of cancer and its treatment. This causes patients and their families to often ask, what if. One year into his treatment plan, Dan’s doctor declared that Dan was NED (having no evidence of disease). This is a term used to describe what people think of as a state of remission (in certain types of cancer). It is a wonderful feeling to be NED. Still, because Dan’s cancer was advanced and ultimately terminal, we had been told that it was only temporary and that at some point Dan’s cancer would rear its ugly head again.

What If

One thing that surprised me was how uneasy I felt, even during that time. His scans were now farther apart. Instead of being every 6 weeks, they were every 3 months. What if cancer began to progress just after a scan, and then grew, unchecked, for 3 months? What if? That question plagued me.

We were counting on God to give us the time we needed as a family, and we were counting on people to pray for us, so I also feared that because Dan was doing well, people would forget that we still needed prayer. And, at certain times, like when Dan was about to have a scan, or he just wasn’t feeling quite right, a what if would cross our minds.

  • What has happened since the last scan? What if the cancer has progressed?
  • Will we be able to stay the course, or will we suddenly have to learn about a new treatment? What if that treatment doesn’t work?
  • If there is a new treatment, what will the new side-effects be like? What if the treatment is really hard?
  • What if the treatment involves infusions? Are our schedule and routine going to go through another upheaval?
  • Will there be another option when this one runs out (Because it always stops working at some point)?

Kids worry, too

Our kids worried too. In the back of their minds was their own “what if” list. It was especially bad just before a scan.

While most young children, will be able to quickly move beyond the cancer once treatment is done and you’re feeling better, some children worry more than others and may need continued support.

Teens may avoid talking openly about their fears or concerns. It is often easier for teens to discuss their fears with someone outside the family. You can see if they would like you to coordinate a time for them to talk with an adult they trust or can feel at ease with.

Kids tend to see things just as they are. Once you complete your treatment, life goes back to normal and you begin to look like your “old self” again, they will probably think that the illness is over. You might want to tell your children that everything will be fine, but it’s best to let some time pass before you give them any assurances. Unfortunately, cancer can recur or metastasize (spread to another part of the body).

Dealing with the question What if

 

Dealing with feelings of uncertainty

You should be honest about your feelings of uncertainty—with yourself and with your kids. They may be experiencing some of the same thoughts that you are. Be honest about the fact that if the cancer returns, it will mean more treatment, of some sort.

During this time, you can—and should, be happy. When a treatment is ended, there is plenty to be happy about, and you can share those things together. Maybe you’re looking forward to not feeling nauseous anymore. If you lost your hair due to treatment, you can enjoy seeing it return (maybe even different from before). Enjoy the moment, even if you don’t know what to expect in the future.

Our Story

When you have a “treatable” cancer and you respond to the treatment there is every reason to hope. My husband, Dan was diagnosed with stage IV, metastatic, lung cancer. We were told that his cancer was terminal and that we were buying time. Even though it looked hopeless, medically, we had reason to hope. Our hope is in the Lord, Jesus Christ. He has been our strength throughout this journey. I am grateful for that hope. We have had over five amazing years of memories, to date, that we might have otherwise missed.

Dan’s most recent scan shows that his cancer is again progressing. That means starting a difficult course of treatment, again, and worries about whether or not it will work—and for how long. It’s during these times that I remind myself, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day.” Matthew 6:34 RSV (1)

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

Footnotes:

  1.  from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright © 1946, 1952, and 1971 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Originally posted 2018-02-05 07:00:45.


Giving gifts to brighten a patient's day.

Confession: I’m a Terrible Gift Giver. I don’t know why. I just am. Each Christmas my sisters-in-law and I all exchange gifts. They are little gift bags of things that make life fun: notebooks, lotions, great pens, etc. I am always in awe of the ladies’ creativity and thoughtfulness.

In comparison, my ideas are unoriginal, and my gift bags aren’t nearly as cute. Still, they appreciate my effort. Gifts are another way to show someone you care about them.

Money

Money can be a sensitive subject, but it is an important part of life. Many times, we’ve had people bless us with cash, checks, and gift cards just when we needed it most.

Because of being self-employed Realtors, we don’t get sick pay. So, when Dan was diagnosed with cancer, one of the things that began to suffer was our finances. With all of Dan’s appointments, and him becoming sick from treatment, many potential clients were unsure of whether we’d be able to give them the attention they needed in their home buying/selling process. Often they were tempted to choose someone else to represent them and we were left with no income.

Even patients with jobs that offer sick pay, find that it runs out all too quickly.

The patient’s spouse needs to be there for the patient during treatment and recovery, and not only for support. When someone is facing an illness that can be terminal, it’s important for the family to have as much time together as possible.

This is especially a concern when there are children at home. Emotional struggles and fear can quickly creep in. Having both parents there to manage the children’s insecurities and the by-products of the situation make a big difference. You can learn more about parenting with cancer in my upcoming book, Facing Cancer as a Parent.

The Gift of Giving

Some people are more comfortable giving gifts, than “doing something.” That’s wonderful because gifts can make as much of a difference as anything. They can be a huge blessing and brighten someone’s day.

Gifts can be practical, fun, interesting, serious, or light, depending on what your friend needs the most.

When giving gifts, it’s helpful to keep in mind the interests and hobbies of your friend. They may appreciate something really silly or unusual, or something that is deeply meaningful.

If the patient is someone you don’t know as well, like a neighbor or work colleague, you may want to stick with something more traditional.

Gifts We’ve Received

We’ve received some gifts that have lightened our load during this journey. Gift cards to order pizza enabled us to make our daughter’s 11th birthday more special, even though we were financially strapped.

One day a dear couple stopped by with a pair of slippers, a robe, comfy pajama bottoms, and several meals. We were overwhelmed by their love for us.

Another couple came over during the holidays with a basket full of fruit, and a gift card for groceries which we used in order to have a wonderful Christmas meal with all of our kids.

We’ve been given timely financial gifts that have dramatically improved our lives.

I could go on, but instead, I’ll give you a list of some ideas you can use to bless the people in your life who are struggling.

Some Suggestions:

Facing Cancer has great ideas for a gift to give cancer patients.
Facing Cancer as a Friend is available on Amazon.com in Paperback and Kindle formats.

Digital Gifts:

  • CDs or gift cards for downloadable music or audiobooks
  • DVDs of movies, TV shows, or documentaries
  • A video message from family and friends
  • Pictures of friends and family
  • An e-reader and a gift card to add some books to it.

Traditional Comfort Gifts:

  • A good book, or a magazine or newspaper subscription.
  • Crossword or Sudoku puzzles
  • Note cards or a journal
  • Gift a soft, comfortable hat or scarf if your friend will lose his/her hair with treatment. This helps men and women feel more comfortable in appearance, and physically. You lose a lot of heat through your head in the winter if you don’t have hair. Bald heads burn easily in the summer sun without protection.
  • Gift a super comfy blanket, socks, or robe, for couch lounging or trips to chemo.
  • Slippers, pajamas or robe
  • Give a plant or send a flower delivery. However, make sure the person isn’t on neutropenic precautions first; fresh flowers can be an infection risk for cancer patients with weakened immune systems. Also, make sure they don’t have any sensitivities. Lilies, in particular, can have strong scents that bother some people.

Gift Cards:

  • Gift certificates for massage, spa services, restaurants or museum/art gallery passes can all help lift someone’s spirits and make life a little more “normal.”
  • Grocery stores gift cards can be extremly helpful.
  • Buy gas cards to help with the extra driving to appointments. I remember one week when we spent about 10 hours driving to and from appointments. Friends gave us gas cards which made a huge difference!

Splurge and Pamper:

  • Accessories (earrings, bracelets, scarves, ties, hats), makeup, or beauty items
  • Portable hobby supply kits (scrapbooking, drawing, and needlepoint) or puzzles can be relaxing gifts.

Paid Services:

  • Treat him or her to a spa or beauty treatment: manicure/pedicure, facial, makeup application, etc. It may be the first time they’ve felt pampered in a while.
  • Housecleaning- When someone has cancer, the entire household goes into “survival mode,” and cleaning often falls by the wayside. But that doesn’t mean that the newly accumulated dust and clutter go unnoticed.

Often, patients and caregivers are embarrassed at the condition their home is in because they lack the time and energy to clean. They scurry around trying to get things in order when they hear that someone is stopping by. This leaves them exhausted, later.

You could offer to help clean, (use your best judgment as to how this will be received). Often shame and embarrassment will keep people from accepting.

Paying for a visit from a cleaning service on chemo day would be a huge blessing. They will return home to a spiffed up house and have one less thing to worry about.

Note* Make sure that they are okay with this since some people are very private and will not be as appreciative of this.

  • Send a mobile masseuse for a gift massage. Use caution if the patient has metastatic cancer that has spread to their lymphatic system. The safest thing to do is to have them check with their doctor. This is also a great gift for stressed-out caregivers.

If you want to give “outside of the box”:

  • Check to see if your employer would allow you to donate money or vacation time to cover paid-time-off hours for the patient or caregiver you work with.
  • Look into donating air miles so that they can take a trip, or family from far away can visit.

A Bonus Idea for the Adventurous: A Chemo Day Bag!

Spending time in the “chemo chair” is no fun. The day often includes several different appointments and can become long and drawn out. One way to bless someone who’s receiving chemotherapy is to give them something to make the day easier and the time to go by faster.

Any bag will do. If you are going to go all out, a diaper bag has plenty of room, and all of the pockets are great for organizing the goodies you can fill it with. Don’t feel like you need to use all of these ideas. Even a small gift bag with one or two of the items will let the patient know you care and want to make their chemo day easier. Here are some ideas to get you started.

  • You could include things like a travel mug with herbal tea or cocoa packets.
  • Lotion and Chapstick help with the drying effect of chemo.
  • Mints, lemon drops or “Preggo-pops” (ginger candy), all help with nausea associated with chemotherapy.
  • A favorite novel, puzzle book or devotional can help pass the hours in the chair. Add a journal and pen for the patient to record their thoughts at such an emotional time.
  • Hand sanitizer and baby wipes are wonderful for cleaning up after a snack (which you could also include).
  • If you really feel like going all out, you could add a quilt or a fleece blanket.
  • A heating pad is a great addition for extra comfort and warmth during those long chemo sessions.
  • Consider putting together a small bag for the caregiver. Often they sit in a folding chair during the hours the patient is receiving chemo.

Gift a Chemo Day Bag

Our Story

Dan developed “brain mets,” or metastasis to the brain, two years after Dan his initial diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer. He went to the University of Minnesota for a procedure called, “Gamma Knife.” It used concentrated rays of radiation to strategically eliminate the tumor in his brain while sparing the rest of the brain. It was going to be a long day, so my mother-in-law came along to keep me company. My brother-in-law gave us a ride so that we wouldn’t need to worry about driving and parking. My sister-in-law sent little gift bags with snacks and reading material for our wait. Each of these loved ones made a frightening day much easier.

Note: This post and its suggestions have been excerpted from the book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone who has Cancer.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker


Hospice and palliative care

The battles of the war against cancer are waged, daily within the bodies of patients young and old, wealthy and poor. There we have made great strides. In 2014, “UK death rates for breast, bowel, lung and prostate cancer combined are down by almost a third in 20 years.” (1) Yet, like any war, the casualties at the hands of this disease are great. That’s when hospice and palliative care enter the picture.

Curing vs. Healing

There comes a time when we need to switch from curative treatment to healing efforts. We can heal, even as we die. There can be healing of relationships, spiritual healing, letting go of the things that never should have been clung to in the first place. Hospice and palliative care services enable patients and families to heal.

There’s always hope.

People often start out their treatment plan with big hopes. Over the course of a terminal illness, those hopes can be dashed, sometimes over and over again. It can be discouraging for patients and their loved ones. Even if they are disappointed, there’s still hope. It just changes. They go from hoping for a cure to hoping for a quality of life. They hope for time. And then they hope for an end to life that isn’t devastating. They hope they can say the things they need so much to say. They’re hoping that when things get difficult, They won’t be alone. They’ll have people they can count on and trust.

Your Medical Team

You need to trust your medical team. If you don’t–get a new one.
As you begin the process of dying, your doctor may tell you that the time is near. Yet, you might not think of yourself as dying. It’s similar to how we don’t see ourselves getting old until crow’s feet are surrounding the eyes that are staring back at us in the mirror.

While you can’t predict exactly when you’ll die, your doctor has seen it countless times before, and as your cancer worsens, can give you an idea of when it may happen. It’s important to trust your medical team so that you can make the appropriate plans. At the same time, focus on and making the most of each day, one day at a time. Stay involved with life, doing the things that you love, for as long as you can.

What is Palliative Care?

Palliative Care focuses on providing relief from the symptoms and stress of a serious illness. The goal is to improve the quality of life for both the patient and the family. Your medical team should talk to you about this at the very beginning of your cancer journey. It is helpful for all oncology patients, not just those that are terminally ill.

What is Hospice?

Many people think that hospice is a place, but it’s not. It’s actually a collaborative approach to providing care. You receive these services wherever you are living, whether at home, a nursing home, or a facility that specializes in the care of hospice patients.

Hospice and palliative care combined is the newest recognized specialty, receiving official recognition by the American Board of Medical Specialties as recently as 2006.

While receiving hospice and palliative care services, you will have a medical team that’ll help you and your family manage any problems or issues related to your terminal illness. This team may include any of the following:

  • Doctors
  • Nurses
  • Home health aides
  • Massage therapists
  • Pharmacists
  • Nutritionists
  • Social workers
  • Physical and/or occupational therapists
  • Various types of counselors
  • Clergy who specialize in end of life care

This team is created specifically for your needs and can include as few or as many members as you want and need.

What You May Not Know About Hospice and Palliative Care

Hospice and palliative care services are covered by Medicare and at least in part by most insurance plans. Once you are part of a hospice program, you can leave the program at any time. You can always make adjustments to the services you receive.

In the past, people thought of hospice and palliative care services as “the end.” They dreaded even the idea. The fact is, in a recent study, terminally ill patients were found to have lived longer on hospice, than those who did not use hospice services.(1)

One recent change to hospice care is that in some circumstances, you can still receive curative treatment for your illness. In the past, this wasn’t allowed. There are also transitional hospice and palliative care programs where you receive palliative care until it is time to receive hospice. This gives patients a seamless transition in their services.

You aren’t limited to a set amount of time on hospice. While the program is meant to be short-term (under 6 months), you can be reassessed for re-enrollment if you exceed that amount of time. You can also go off of hospice for any reason, and later receive services again.

Melissa Turgeon from the Angel Foundation made plaster casts of Dan’s hands. Photo by Jim Bovin.

Our Story

My husband enrolled in a transitional palliative care to hospice program in late 2015. It gave me as his wife and caregiver a great feeling of comfort. We had access to medical care 24/7. This helped me to rest easy knowing that even in the middle of the night, I could call a nurse out to our home, if necessary.

We requested that an oncology social worker come to our home and meet with our daughters.  She was able to help them work through their feelings and anxieties about their dad’s illness. She gave them some coloring journals that were made especially for children who had a parent with cancer. This helped them a lot!

Thanks to a new treatment,  his condition stabilized within a couple of months, and he was able to end his hospice services. When the time comes that he needs them again, he will resume.

The Sooner the Better

It is better to start hospice services sooner rather than later. Half of all hospice patients receive less than 3 weeks of care, while over 35% receive services for less than 7 days.(2) This isn’t long enough to form a good, trusting relationship with your care team.

You will get physical support when you enter hospice, but if you enter too late, you can miss out on spiritual, emotional, and relational healing.

When making the decision about whether or not to look into hospice services, consider the needs of your family along with your own. Hospice addresses the needs of not only the patient but their family members as well. People who wait too long to get hospice care are missing out on valuable resources available to them and their family members. For a minimum of one year after the death of a loved one, family members are eligible to receive bereavement care and counseling through the hospice program.

Chaplains

Even if you aren’t religious, or ascribe to a different faith tradition, it is extremely helpful to spend time with a chaplain. They may be available where you receive your cancer treatment or through your faith community. Hospitals almost always have a chaplain on staff. They’re knowledgeable and experienced in helping people process the end of their time here on earth.

Our Story

Hospice and palliative care are especially helpful for patients who have young children. When Dan was extremely ill, the transitional palliative care to hospice program sent a social worker to our home to help our daughters through the difficult time. She gave our daughters specially designed coloring books for kids who had a parent with a terminal illness. These were incredibly helpful for the girls as they sorted out their emotions and fears. The social worker talked to them and answered their questions. She helped them to feel safe in an incredibly frightening time.

Is now a good time to look into hospice or palliative care services?

Having professionals who specialize in helping patients as they near the end of life can save you valuable time. Don’t ignore the valuable resources that are within your grasp. If your healthcare team hasn’t given you information about services that can help you at this time, tell them that you need to know who would be helpful to talk to so you can make plans for yourself and your family.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

Footnotes:

  1. Journal of Pain and Symptom Management Vol. 33 No. 3 March 2007. Comparing Hospice and Nonhospice Patient Survival Among Patients Who Die Within a Three-Year Window. Stephen R. Connor, PhD, Bruce Pyenson, FSA, MAAA, Kathryn Fitch, RN, MA, MEd, Carol Spence, RN, MS, and Kosuke Iwasaki, FIAJ, MAAA, National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (S.R.C., C.S.), Alexandria, Virginia;
    and Milliman, Inc. (B.P., K.F., K.I.), New York, New York, USA
  2. NHPCO Facts and Figures: Hospice Care in America. Alexandria, VA: National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, September 2015

Ring Theory Circle of Support

The Ring Theory-Finding Your Circle of Support

The Ring Theory was created by breast cancer survivor and clinical psychologist, Dr. Susan Silk Ph.D., and arbitrator/mediator, Barry Goldman. The gist of it is this: Comfort in. Dump out. Who you comfort, and who you “dump” your grief on (in other words, who comforts you) will determine what circle of support you reside in.

Take out a piece of paper. In the middle of the page, draw a small circle. Label it with the patient’s name. The patient is in the center circle of support because the patient is the center of their cancer universe. It is everyone else’s job to support them. No one is allowed to dump on the patient. What does that mean?

The Patient- The Center

 

When Karen, a breast cancer patient was no longer able to bring meals to neighborhood functions or help with the kids’ school activities, people remarked at how hard it was without her, since they depended on her. Often, people say things like this to let the patient know they are important. However, this added a new layer of guilt to Karen’s shoulders, even though that was never the speakers’ intentions. So, don’t say anything to the patient regarding the effects of his/her cancer on you. Instead, listen to and comfort the patient. It’s about them—not you.

Circle of Support for a Spouse/Caregiver

What about their spouse or caregiver? They’re next in line for support. Draw another circle around the “patient” circle.  That’s the “spouse/caregiver” ring.  Only the patient is allowed to dump The spouse or caregiver. Anyone else should listen to and comfort the spouse or caregiver. So, it’s about the caregiver/spouse too—not you.

Circle of Support for Other Immediate Family Members

Next, draw another circle around the first, which will represent the immediate family. Immediate family can vent to anyone other than the patient and the spouse/caregiver.

One thing to note is that immediate family can vent with one another. They all share the same concerns and are able to comfort one another in a unique and special way.

Circle of Support for Extended Family, Friends, and ColleaguesRing Theory of Cancer Support

Draw a fourth circle around the immediate family circle. This one represents extended family and close friends.

A fifth circle will represent colleagues and friends. Each subsequent circle of people is a little more distant from the patient and their situation.

You never want to dump on or vent to someone in a circle closer to the patient than the circle you’re in.  For example, a friend would not dump on a parent or a spouse. They could, however, talk to another friend, or someone outside of the situation.

Circle of Support for Lookie-Loos

Lookie-Loos reside on the outer edge of the rings. These are people who have nothing at stake. They are the grocer or the guy that visits your garage sale, someone from church who hasn’t spoken to the patient or caregiver in months, or someone who happened to come upon the patient or caregiver’s blog.

Lookie-Loos can keep their thoughts to themselves. They aren’t allowed to dump on anyone, but they can offer comfort. In fact, many times, a lookie-loo has been a great source of encouragement to our family.

It’s Etiquette that Works in any Crisis

Hopefully, this explains in a nutshell, the etiquette of who to comfort (anyone who is hurting), and who to dump on (only people in a circle larger than yours—and never the patient).

Dumping or venting is anything that isn’t solely and directly supportive. Remember the adage, “It’s not about me.” While it may affect you, dumping on anyone in a circle closer to the patient than you are, can be seen as insensitive, selfish, and tacky, even when said with the best of intentions.

By the way, this works for any crisis someone may go through, health, financial, marital, etc.

This information and more is found in my book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer.

Sometimes it’s good to take a “digital break.”

That’s what I’m going to be doing in the month of January. I’ve noticed that I’m not getting as much writing done as I should be, so rather than spending time on email, social media, and other online activities; I will be writing and reconnecting with my goals for 2018. You will still see weekly blog posts on Facing Cancer with Grace, because I have already written them and will post them automatically, using a scheduler. Even though I may not respond to your comments right away, I will read them and appreciate them greatly. Since I won’t be sharing my posts to social media in January I would appreciate it if those of you who use social media would share my posts. Thank you!

What are YOUR thoughts?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

The Erickson Family, Photo by Everbranch Photography

Originally posted 2018-01-22 07:00:36.


Internet Research

In the past, patients were often told to avoid doing their own internet research. That was because the internet really is a dumping ground for both information and misinformation. More and more, doctors are appreciating their patients’ efforts to participate in their healthcare. This is especially true when the patient uses internet research wisely.

Benefits of doing your own research:

You can decide if what is happening merits a trip to the doctor.

Often you can be put at ease when you discover your symptoms might feel awful, but you most likely have a cold. Sometimes, odd, but otherwise painless symptoms mean something more ominous is happening. For example, when my husband felt 3 hardened lymph nodes above his left collarbone (supraclavicular nodes), that specific symptom was said to indicate a 90% chance of metastatic lung cancer. It seemed improbable since he had never smoked and like most people, we thought of lung cancer as a smoker’s disease. Still, he made an appointment that saved his life.

Your doctor can’t keep up with all of the latest innovations in their field

Often, we expect our doctors to know everything. The medical field has become a complex place. Two years ago, my husband was ready to go to hospice. He could barely breathe; the cancer had so filled his lungs. He’d been following the experience of a blogger who was on a trial. Dan seemed to fit the profile of an ideal candidate for the drug. Finally, the FDA approved Tagrisso (a couple of months ahead of schedule). Dan asked his doctor to look into it. She did. She had him tested for the mutation the drug-treated and he was a match! Within two weeks of being on the drug, he was able to breathe again. He’s been on the drug ever since. His doctor appreciated his research and self-advocacy.

There are some drawbacks to internet research:

Sometimes the thing you think will be great—isn’t.

I’ve been using turmeric supplements as a way to ease the pain I experience from rheumatoid arthritis. Because it has worked well for me, we wondered if it would help with the pain Dan is in every day. We asked the palliative care specialist about it. She told us that even though turmeric is natural and over the counter, it isn’t something Dan should use. Turmeric is a natural blood thinner and Dan is a hemophiliac. It can also affect his blood counts that are already low because of the treatment he is on. We were glad we didn’t assume that an otherwise safe supplement is safe for him. Always check with your doctor about over the counter or “natural” supplements.

Internet Research isn’t a replacement for a doctor

No matter how empowered we can feel by the internet, there’s no replacement for a medical degree and years of experience. I often write posts for Quora, a user-input-based site. Every week, scared people ask me if their symptoms are indicative of cancer. I use the platform to encourage people to see their doctor when they are experiencing unusual symptoms. While most of these people don’t have cancer, there is often something happening with their health which needs to be addressed by a medical professional.

How you approach internet research is important

“Just the facts, Ma’am.”

Internet research has become second nature for most people, whether they are looking for a new car or the latest cancer treatments. It’s easy to pull up endless pages of information. But is the information factual? Is it experiential? Positive? Negative? These can be difficult questions to answer.

While the internet can be a valuable tool, it can also be a very frightening place, especially when you research cancer. Survival rates and statistics sound overwhelming when they’re not placed in the proper context. If you choose to research your symptoms or your diagnosis on the internet, use reputable websites. What makes a site, “reputable?”

User-Input Based Sites

Social Media and other user-input based sites such as forums have given everyone a platform. Because of that, there’s a lot more opinion on the internet than fact—especially when it comes to health issues. It’s difficult to wade through the endless sea of contradicting statements. Everyone has an opinion about cancer, cancer treatment, and what people should be doing. Random, anonymous people are very comfortable giving their opinions online. “Opinions,” is the keyword.

Many people use the Internet as their therapist. They post all their fears and the “what-ifs” online, where to the undiscerning eye, it can be frightening. While blogs and “cancer support” sites can be helpful for patients looking for support, they can also be a source of misinformation and confusion. The Internet tends to capture the negative. Because of this, use caution when reading user-input based sites. Keep in mind that the writer’s individual situation is different from yours.

Reading as a writer

Pseudoscience

Pseudoscience is rampant on the Internet. The Scrivener WordNet Dictionary defines pseudoscience as, “an activity resembling science but based on fallacious assumptions.”

Problems arise when patients or their loved ones believe pseudoscience and it contradicts what a health care provider recommends. This can cause a patient to delay a legitimate course of treatment. Meanwhile, cancer can spread.

This isn’t only a problem with cancer. I know of someone who didn’t follow their doctor’s advice in favor of another form of “treatment” for their diabetes. She went blind and ultimately died of a diabetic coma.

Rifts between family members often happen when they don’t agree on a treatment approach in light of a false promise made on the internet. The result is guilt, discord, and hurt feelings within the family.

What you need are facts pertaining to the cancer that you or your family is facing, rather than the cancer someone else has.

 

Using Trusted Resources

Health information, whether in print or online, should come from a trusted, credible source. Government agencies, hospitals, universities, medical journals, and books that provide evidence-based information are sources you can trust. Too often, other sources can provide misleading or incorrect information. If it makes claims that are too good to be true, remember—they usually are.

The National Cancer Institute gives the following advice on internet research:

Online sources of health information should make it easy for people to learn who is responsible for posting the information. They should make clear the original source of the information, along with the medical credentials of the people who prepare or review the posted material.

Use the following questions to determine the credibility of health information published online:

  • Who manages this information? The person or group that has published health information online should be identified somewhere.
  • Who is paying for the project, and what is their purpose? You should be able to find this information in the “About Us” section.
  • What is the original source of the information that they have posted? If the information was originally published in a research journal or a book, they should say which one(s) so that you can find it.
  • How is information reviewed before it gets posted? Most health information publications have someone with medical or research credentials (e.g., someone who has earned an M.D., D.O., or Ph.D.) review the information before it gets posted, to make sure it is correct.
  • How current is the information? Online health information sources should show you when the information was posted or last reviewed.
  • If they are asking for personal information, how will they use that information and how will they protect your privacy? This is very important. Do not share personal information until you understand the policies under which it will be used and you are comfortable with any risk involved in sharing your information online.

You can learn more about doing internet research as well as using other sources of information cancer, by checking out the National Cancer Institutes’s Website: http://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/managing-care/using-trusted-resources.

Sometimes it’s good to take a “digital break.”

While internet research can be really helpful, there are also times when it’s good to take a digital break.  That’s what I’m going to be doing in the month of January. I’ve noticed that I’m not getting as much writing done as I should be, so rather than spending time on email, social media, and other online activities; I will be writing and reconnecting with my goals for 2018. You will still see weekly blog posts on Facing Cancer with Grace, because I have already written them and will post them automatically, using a scheduler. Even though I may not respond to your comments right away, I will read them and appreciate them greatly. Since I won’t be sharing my posts to social media in January I would appreciate it if those of you who use social media would share my posts. Thank you!

What are YOUR thoughts?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

The Erickson Family, Photo by Everbranch Photography

Originally posted 2018-01-15 07:00:48.


Ways you can help a caregiver

During the month of April, I participated in the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Here at Facing Cancer with Grace, I concentrated on writing posts for caregivers, There are many ways you can help a caregiver. Raising awareness of what day to day life is like as a caregiver is how I help.

At Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker, I wrote a retrospective post about what it was like writing 55 posts, posting them all in April, and then reading and commenting on the blogs of other participants. Check it out!

In this post, I share some of the many ways you can help a caregiver.

By choosing a couple of these suggestions you can help a caregiver greatly reduce their stress, and cope with their role as a caregiver. Which suggestions you decide to take on, will depend on your relationship with the caregiver and their specific situation, such as whether or not they have children.

These suggestions come from chapter 10 of the book, Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone who has Cancer

Here are some ways you can help a caregiver if you are close to them:

  • Make sure the caregiver doesn’t neglect their health. They should be making regular trips to the doctor and dentist.
  • Keep an eye out for signs of depression in the caregiver.
  • Encourage the caregiver to set up a blog such as caringbridge.org or an email list so that they can keep people updated without having to repeat themselves so often. If they are overwhelmed by this, you could start it and maintain it until they’re ready to take it over. Of course, only do what they are comfortable with. And, have the caregiver review any updates for accuracy before posting.
  • Allow the caregiver to vent. They often feel guilty expressing feelings of discouragement and frustration, so they keep them inside.

Here are some ways you can help a caregiver if they have young children:

  • Bring your young children to visit elderly patients, caregivers, and their children. This can often brighten up their day.
  • Babysit their children. Take them to and from school and activities. Take the kids out for a fun couple of hours. It can be an event, a restaurant, taking them out for ice cream, having them over for a sleepover, or just an hour in the park.
  • Take children to dental and doctor’s appointments. All too often, these appointments slip through the cracks of a busy schedule being maintained by exhausted parents. Ensuring the kids get their normal check-ups can prevent problems for them later on.
  • Offer to bring children to their place of worship if the parents are unable to go.

 

You can help a caregiver if you are close to the patient:

  • Offer to spend time with the patient if the patient is too ill and unable to be left alone. This will enable the caregiver a couple of hours to get out of the house or even to just take a much-needed nap. This time can be very renewing.

Here are some ways you can help a caregiver by pampering them:

  • Take the caregiver out for a coffee or lunch date.
  • Schedule a weekly walk with the caregiver. This will help them get often needed exercise and fresh air. During inclement weather, you can walk in a mall. Often malls open early, before the stores do, so people can walk without the crowds. Check out the Wikipedia article on this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mall_walking.
  • Offer to take them out to a movie. If they’re too tired, drop off a rental with or without some microwave popcorn and some beverages. We have a couple of friends who took our entire family to the movies. It was an amazing gift to our family which we really appreciated.
  • Treat him or her to a spa day or a beauty treatment: manicure/pedicure, facial, makeup application, massage, etc. It may be the first time they’ve felt pampered in a while.
  • Arrange for a hairstylist to make a home visit to trim the entire family’s hair. This is something that’s often put on a back burner in the chaos of caregiving.

Ways you can help a caregiver

 

Here are some practical ways you can help a caregiver:

  • Call when you are en route to a store to see if you can pick anything up for him/her.
  • Say to the caregiver, “Give me a task.” It could be laundry or an errand like picking up groceries. Often, a patient will refuse the help that a caregiver greatly needs. Let them know that you can be in and out. No socializing needed (unless they would like some).
  • Offer to clean one room of their house. Bring dusting polish, window cleaner, etc., so that you can get right down to work. He or she may want to participate. Many hands make light work and you can chat while you get the job done. Your help will be greatly appreciated.
  • Offer to wash/fold laundry.
  • Wash and clean the car.
  • Help with seasonal tasks like cleaning gutters, raking leaves and shoveling.

    Facing Cancer as a Friend is available on Amazon.com.

Here are ways you can help a caregiver financially:

  • Donate money or vacation time to cover paid-time-off hours for the caregiver (some employers allow this).
  • Donate air miles so that they can take a trip or a family member from far away, with limited resources, can visit.

You can help a caregiver, spiritually, too:

  • If you are a praying person, pray for the caregiver and any children the patient has. Tell the caregiver that they are in your prayers. It can make a big difference, especially if they are a Christian.

 

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

 


Zero in on Self-Care

I’m doing double duty this month during the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Here at Facing Cancer with Grace, I will focus on caregiving. I’ll also be doing the challenge at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker, where I will share ways to increase your creativity. I hope you’ll visit me at both sites. While you’re here, sign up for my email list. Today’s post is Z for Zero in on Self-Care

I’m not going to give you a laundry list of self-care ideas. There are enough of those on the web. I do want to talk about how address all of your needs using the ideas that you decide are for you. You are a whole being with many parts. The key to ideal self-care is to make sure you balance these parts.

Emotional Self-Care

Keeping a close eye on how you are doing emotionally is essential as a caregiver. It can be so easy to burn out and end up feeling overwhelmed and depressed. It’s a good idea to develop a relationship with a therapist early on in your caregiving role. A therapist can help you navigate the emotional icebergs that threaten to sink caregivers. They can be a listening ear with whom you can openly share your deepest fears and failures.

  • Allow yourself to cry.
  • Getting angry is also okay. A non-destructive way of expressing this (and any emotion) is through journaling.
  • It’s okay (and even essential) to laugh.

Physical Self-CarePhysical Self-Care

Pay attention to any health issues YOU have. SO often, we are taking such good care of others that we neglect ourselves. That can lead to disastrous effects. You need to stay healthy to be there for your family.

  • Make sure to include a healthy diet in your daily routine. This will fuel you with good stuff, rather than junk, giving you the energy to get through difficult days.
  • Include moderate exercise as a regular part of your life. You may not be able to fit this into every day, but if you examine your days with a creative outlook, you will be able to sneak activity in, and you will feel better for it.
  • Get a good night’s sleep!
  • Avoid unhealthy habits like smoking, alcohol and illicit drug use.

Intellectual Self-Care

  • It’s important to keep your mind sharp.
  • This could include puzzles and games.
  • Reading is a great way to stretch your intellect, and you could read about anything that interests you.
  • There are tons of free online classes.

Social Self-Care

As social beings, we crave connection—even introverts like me! How we get that connection will vary from one person to the next. It’s important to get your social needs filled in a way that fits your needs. That might be going out for coffee with one friend, or going to a big gathering of friends that lasts for hours.

For some people, limiting your social dance card can be just as essential to self-care. Introverts tend to be more drained by people than extroverts are. Listen to your body to prevent becoming burned out by too much of a good thing.

Professional Self-Care

Many caregivers have to juggle their role as a caregiver with their career. Like self-care, how you approach this will depend a great deal on how you view your job as a priority. Is it just a way to pay the bills? Do you look at your job as part of a long-term career path that needs to be nurtured? The way you answer these questions will help you decide how to handle your professional life. The more you value maintaining your professional path, the more you will need to rely on help from others to ensure you can give it the attention it needs.

  • You may choose to change jobs to one that is more flexible or take a leave of absence.
  • Your job may be a welcomed escape from caregiving.
  • Finances might dictate how you handle your professional life.
  • Know your rights. Take advantage of things like the Family Medical Leave Act.

Spiritual Self-Care

Your spiritual life should be the core of your self-care. It is what directs your value system and gives you a sense of identity. This is true, even if you don’t think you have a spiritual life. A great starting point is to determine if there are any gaps between your spiritual values and the way you are carrying them out in your life.

Find a spiritual mentor. This doesn’t have to be something formal, but you should know who you look up to and why. Consider what it is about them that you respect. Over time, establish a relationship with them so that you have someone to turn to when you have questions about God or how you should handle different situations.

Nurture your spiritual life. It can be easy to skip church and let your prayer life lapse. Going deeper will unearth amazing rewards long-term in your spiritual life.

Spiritual Self-Care

 

How to Zero in on Self-Care

Regularly check in with yourself to see what areas of your life need nurturing. Make sure you aren’t putting all of your eggs in one basket, either. Trust your intuition and pay attention to any areas that are lacking.

Resources

I’m in the early stages of putting together a resource page for caregivers of cancer patients. I’d love it if you’d check it out and email me any suggestions of resources you’d recommend. While you’re here, sign up for my email list to get a periodic email newsletter to encourage you on your cancer journey.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker


Every October I try to predict peak color in the deciduous trees. Then I head off to the woods in St. Francis, Minnesota to spend a few days at Pacem in Terris (Latin for “Peace on Earth”). This year, I went at the perfect time. Taking a break is something everyone should do. Sometimes you may need it more than others. I found that the harder it is to make time in your schedule, the more important taking a break is.

Get beyond the guilt of taking a break.

Taking a break in my hermitage

This can be hard for caregivers. You spend all of your time trying to maintain control. Walking away for a few days means giving up the reigns to someone else. You may worry about how your family will fare without you. You might even harbor subconscious concerns that they can get along just fine without you and that maybe you aren’t as important as you thought.

The good news is that they can get along. When you come back from taking a break, refreshed and renewed, you will find that your family missed you and is very glad to have you home. That level of appreciation feels pretty good.

Taking a break means taking care of yourself.

As a caregiver, you need to take care of your own health and well being, too. The first step to doing that is to gain awareness of how you’re doing. otherwise, you can be so busy caring for your family that you don’t realize YOUR energy reserves are down to nothing.

Quiet restores your soul.

The hermitage I visit each October is a place of silence. Sometimes the silence is hard for people to get used to. You may spend the first day checking the time, thinking about your usual routine obligations. I actually put the clock in the closet and go to sleep before I do anything. The founder of the hermitage once told me that sleep can be the most important thing you accomplish. Your body and mind heal as you sleep. Interestingly, you burn more calories as you sleep deeply because of how many your brain consumes during that time.

Spending time with God renews you.

Taking a break to hear from God

In the hustle and bustle of caregiving, it’s easy to push God to the side. It is likely that this is the time you most need to hear His voice. Taking a break from the work of caregiving allows you the time to stop and listen. How to best accomplish this will depend on you.

Do you learn best by reading? Read the Bible, other spiritual writing, or even a secular book that speaks to you and what you’re going through.

Does being in nature help you feel refreshed and closer to god? Take a walk. A Stanford Study has shown that taking a walk improves creativity. it gives you clarity of mind that will help you to better see who you are and what you need. You can return from this mini-retreat inspired. You may even have some ideas of how to do things differently in your caregiving journey.

Do you like to pray? I hope so. This is a wonderful way to invite God to speak to you and give you clarity. It can be as simple as saying, “Lord, I really need to know your will in this situation. Please open my eyes to see and my ears to hear what you want me to do/know.” The (and this is key) LISTEN. I simply sit in the silence. Sometimes, I even fall asleep and have inspiring dreams during these times.

You don’t have to go away for days.

Even a few hours of leaving home to get a massage, have coffee with a friend, or take a walk in a local park can refresh you. Find what works for your needs and lifestyle. Don’t be afraid to try something different. You may just find a new way of renewing yourself so that when you return to caregiving, you feel better than ever about what you are doing.

Sometimes it’s good to take a “digital break.”

That’s what I’m going to be doing in the month of January. I’ve noticed that I’m not getting as much writing done as I should be, so rather than spending time on email, social media, and other online activities, I will be writing and reconnecting with my goals for 2018. You will still see weekly blog posts on Facing Cancer with Grace, because I have already written them and will post them automatically, using a scheduler. Even though I may not respond to your comments right away, I will read them and appreciate them greatly. Since I won’t be sharing my posts to social media in January I would appreciate it if those of you who use social media would share my posts. Thank you!

What are YOUR thoughts?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

The Erickson Family, Photo by Everbranch Photography

Originally posted 2018-01-01 07:00:20.


Young Adult Caregivers

I’m doing double duty this month during the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Here at Facing Cancer with Grace, I will focus on caregiving. I’ll also be doing the challenge at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker, where I will share ways to increase your creativity. I hope you’ll visit me at both sites. While you’re here, sign up for my email list. Today’s post is E is for Exercise Increases Creativity.

Young adults, ages 18-26 take a close second to infants, when it comes to being overlooked and under-supported, as they live with a parent’s cancer diagnosis. To drop them off the radar when they turn 18 is really a disservice to them. Even though their emotional and physical growth has slowed down, having an adult body does not always mean being grown-up. Children continue to develop emotionally and neurologically until they are twenty-six years old. It’s shocking when you consider that many children of cancer patients are also young adult caregivers.

Ages 18-26

The stage of emerging from adolescence to adulthood can be a complex yet exciting time of growth. Young adults are focusing on themselves, their education, career, marriage, and sexuality. Finding out that a parent has cancer during this time can be a huge shock to an eighteen to twenty-six-year-old, especially if they are thrust into the role of a caregiver. They’ve barely finished high school, and have all sorts of plans for their life. They may be transitioning to college.

Young Adult Caregivers in College

Young adults comprise 12–18% of adult caregivers, and the average age of a young adult caregiver is 21 years old.  Many young adult caregivers are attending college. Research has found that caregiving by college students has been associated with:

  • Greater difficulty transitioning to college,
  • Less social interaction
  • Higher levels of stress and depression
  • Stress due to inexperience in fulfilling caregiver duties

Often they have to change what school they were going to attend, take time off, or completely quit college because of their parent’s illness. Their mind (and often their time) is so focused on caring for their parent with cancer that it’s difficult to give school or their job their full attention and effort.

Young Adult Caregivers

Just getting on their feet

Young adults Caregivers are thinking about starting their career, and sometimes of getting married. Everything they looked forward to is on hold so that they can do the right thing. They may go from being a child to being a caregiver—and they are not yet done developing. They might feel a sense of isolation within their peer groups because it is difficult for their friends to understand what they are going through. Since young adults have a strong need for community, this can leave them feeling very alone. Support can be the difference between young adult caregivers who prosper and those who will struggle.

Helpful Tips for Young Adult Caregivers

  • Seek out guidance and support.
  • Don’t be discouraged when you make mistakes. That is one of the ways you will learn.
  • Find positive role models.
  • If you are starting, or are already in college, make an appointment with your academic counselor to discuss a plan in case the patient’s health begins to impact your grades.
  • If your loved one’s cancer is terminal, address the possibility of them dying during their time at the school.
  • Talk with your financial aid adviser to see how any scholarship or loans will be affected by a hiatus of 6 months to a year, in case you need to take some time off.
  • Check in with your school’s mental health adviser. Even if you are handling things well now, it’s a good idea to know who you can reach out to if things change and you need extra support.
  • Many employers offer mental health services. Set up an appointment with a therapist through your medical insurance plan.
  • You might need to try out more than one in order to find someone who you connect with.

It’s important to get the support you need to get through this time. Remember, you’re not alone, there are therapists, counselors, and even online and community support groups to help you through this.

Resources

I’m in the early stages of putting together a resource page for caregivers of cancer patients. I’d love it if you’d check it out and email me any suggestions of resources you’d recommend. While you’re here, sign up for my email list to get a periodic email newsletter to encourage you on your cancer journey.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker


The Daily Examen

I’m doing double duty this month during the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Here at Facing Cancer with Grace, I will focus on caregiving. I’ll also be doing the challenge at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker, where I will share ways to increase your creativity. I hope you’ll visit me at both sites. While you’re here, sign up for my email list. Today’s post is X is for Daily Examen (I know it’s not technically an X word, but hopefully, you’ll forgive me).

As a caregiver, there are a lot of ups and downs each day. People often ask how I deal with that. One way is the Daily Examen,

The Examen is a method of prayer and meditation first practiced by St. Ignatius of Loyola, a Spanish priest, and theologian who founded the religious order of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits). You don’t need to be Catholic to use this method of prayer and meditation. The Examen is a wonderful way to not only seek guidance from God but also to grow closer to Him each day. This is particularly helpful as a caregiver needing to find the light in the darkness of our, often difficult task.

There are 5 parts to the Daily Examen.

Here is my paraphrase of question I ponder as I spend time in prayer using this powerful method as a guide. I have used language that I am comfortable with. You don’t need any particular words. Instead, feel free to use your own words as you go through the steps of examining your day and your heart.

  1. Open your heart and mind to what God has to say to you about your day, your life and your relationship with Him.

“God, Be with me now as I look back on what has happened today. Help me see things through your eyes and with your Holy Spirit within me. Give me the clarity to glorify you, even when things are hard, and my feet stumble on the path as I walk toward you and beside you.”

  1. Recall to your mind, God’s blessings. What are the positive things that have happened today?

“God, when have you been there for me, today? What are some of the good things that happened? What can I glean from today? Were there people who lightened my load, or made me feel especially loved? Did I experience any moments when I was acutely aware of your presence?”

  1. Reflect on your day.

“Lord, were there times I followed where you led, today? Did show mercy when I could have been hard on someone (maybe even rightly)? Did I show charity in my dealings with others? Were there moments when I was especially aware of your presence? How did that feel? How was the care I gave my loved one, a reflection of your love?”

  1. Seek forgiveness for your shortcomings. We so often fall short. Thankfully, we have a Savior who can restore us.

“Lord, were there things today that I should have done differently. Did I speak too harshly to my child when he wasn’t behaving? Were there times that my weariness got the best of me so that I was unaware of the needs and pain around me? Was, I selfish and untrusting when I wouldn’t share with others what you have so freely given? Lord, forgive me. I am so sorrowed for the times that I ignored the promptings of your Holy Spirit.”

  1. Ask for help in the coming day, anticipating renewal and growth.

“Lord, tomorrow I have a lot on my plate. I’m thankful that you can help me in the times I feel unable to handle it all. Let me be an instrument in your hands. I pray that you will use me in the way that suits you best.”

There are many ways to pray the Examen.

Some people journal through the Examen, expressing their thoughts in prayer through the ink, onto paper. When I was a young woman, I used to journal, beginning each entry, “Dear Lord.” This began a conversation between God and me that continued long after I set down my pen.

While praying through the Examen is ideal at the end of the day, you don’t need to wait that long. You can also Examen your heart in the middle of the day, reflecting on how things have gone so far. You can use this method after a difficult (or wonderful) situation such as a family meeting. Much can be learned by looking at complex relationships interacting, through God’s eyes.

Resources

I’m in the early stages of putting together a resource page for caregivers of cancer patients. I’d love it if you’d check it out and email me any suggestions of resources you’d recommend. While you’re here, sign up for my email list to get a periodic email newsletter to encourage you on your cancer journey.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

A to Z Challenge Survivor

Newsletter

Find out when I post a new blog.

Archives

Categories

Grab a copy of Facing Cancer as a Friend!

Get the Memory Maker’s Journal

%d bloggers like this: