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Caregiving Wisdom

The following are 6 nuggets of caregiving wisdom that I have gained the hard way. I’m a caregiver for my husband who has been living with stage IV lung cancer since 2012.

Nugget of Caregiving Wisdom #1   Looks can be deceiving.

Both caregivers and patients can keep it together in public, only to fall into bed, exhausted, once they get home. One patient said that people often were amazed at how good she looked, considering she was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. She said, “I wish I felt as good on the inside as I look on the outside.” You can’t control how others see and respond to your situation. That’s okay. But make sure that you don’t compare yourself to how you think you should be doing. Things like housework, yard work, and hitting the gym will have to take a back seat, so ditch the guilt. Those things mean nothing when someone is dying.

Nugget of Caregiving Wisdom #2   Work as a team.

Friends, family, doctors, the caregivers, and the patient are a team. Don’t feel like you have to, or should be able, to do it all. No one was meant to take on that load. There will also be times when you are able to do more and times when you have to do less. During those times when you are getting worn down, rely on your team. Utilize the tools available to you like Caring Bridge. This can help you bridge to your community.

Nugget of Caregiving Wisdom #3   Relationships will change throughout the caregiving journey.

Some of the changes will be negative. Illness will change the life of the patient and the caregiver as well as those who love them. There’s a lot of grief over what once was, but is no more—even if you end up in a good place.

There are also positive changes. Often relationships are strengthened as people reassess their priorities. You find out who really cares by their response to what you are going through. Spousal relationships no longer sway to flippantly considering splitting up.

Nugget of Caregiving Wisdom #4   YOU will change throughout the caregiving journey.

A few of the great quotes I heard from caregivers on the panel were:

  • “Wisdom is healed pain.”
  • “The dying can teach us how to live.”
  • “It’s a tougher life, but it’s a bigger life.”

Nugget of Caregiving Wisdom #5   There’s no perfect picture of a caregiver.

There is no right or wrong way to do it. Age, diagnosis, prognosis, and support system, all make each case different. A caregiver isn’t just a warm body. They offer spiritual, emotional, financial and physical care. How this looks will be different for every patient.

There’s a lot you can’t do for the patient, but you can be present. Listen to hear, rather than to respond. Do this and you’ll get all the information you need.

Nugget of Caregiving Wisdom # 6   Anticipatory Grace

Fear is a very real, very intense part of caregiving. Fear of:

  • Not doing well enough
  • Scan results
  • Treatment side effects
  • Financial future
  • The kids’ well being
  • “Devastating information” we get from the doctor (or Dr. Google)
  • The death experience

You want to hold on tighter to what you could lose. Learn to release so that you don’t miss out on the beauty. Take life one minute at a time rather than going down the rat hole looking for the worst.

I have plenty more nuggets of caregiving wisdom to talk about in future posts. Until then…

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker


Tagrisso Video

I’m doing double duty this month during the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Here at Facing Cancer with Grace, I will focus on caregiving. I’ll also be doing the challenge at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker, where I will share ways to increase your creativity. I hope you’ll visit me at both sites. While you’re here, sign up for my email list. Today’s post is V for Video. I will be sharing the videos we taped to share how Tagrisso helped my husband and I have more time together.

Background

In 2015, Dan began coughing frequently. Soon he was struggling to breathe. It soon became clear that the treatment he was on was no longer working. After being tested for genetic mutations, we learned that Tagrisso was a treatment option for Dan. Within a couple of weeks on the drug, he was breathing freely. The amazing thing was that unlike other treatments, he didn’t have a lot of side effects on Tagrisso. Soon, we were living life again!

Making a Video*

In November, 2017 we were invited to share our story in video form. I really appreciated the integrity of the videos. They really stayed true to our story and our experience with Tagrisso. It’s so important to be tested for genetic mutations to learn what treatments are a good fit for you.

Unfortunately, the video is no longer available on youtube

Video of Our Story and Tagrisso: A Promise KeptMaking a Video

We Flew out to Richmond Virginia to share our story of how Tagrisso helped us live life as close to normal as possible, despite Dan’s cancer. When Dan and I got married, he promised that we would go on a date every week. I said it would be okay if we couldn’t sometimes, but he was determined to keep the romance alive by having a weekly date night. Making a video about our experience with Tagrisso was no different. We went out for a night of music and ice cream. They made a video of it all, as well as our story, told from each of our perspectives. It was fun to have a behind the scenes look at making a video.

 

 

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

I’d love to hear in the comment section, below. I appreciate my readers as well as the writing community. To show that appreciation, I use Comment Luv. Just leave a comment below and your latest post will get a link next to it. Thank you!

ABOUT HEATHER ERICKSON

In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.

My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com

I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker

 

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