Surviving the holidays can be difficult when you or someone you love is literally trying to survive the holidays. This almost always means the celebration will look different. I’ve put together a few thoughts and tips to give you a leg up.
To survive the holidays you must first accept that things will be different.
You won’t be participating in the cookie exchange or Christmas caroling. Things that were once fun, are in this new reality, exhausting. Even if you do have the energy to do them, they may zap your reserves so that you’re left burned out. One of the best things you can do is to recognize that the holidays will look different this year—maybe from now on. That’s okay. Change is a part of life even when cancer isn’t. It stinks that cancer is the reason for this change, but accepting it will make the holidays much easier to enjoy.
To survive the holidays you must prioritize
On your quest to survive the holidays this year, make a list of everything you would like to do. This puts it all in one place. Now, pull out your calendar. Get a good grasp of what you are already obligated to do in the next month. Is there anything you can cancel?
What can you add? Don’t add it yet. Just get the vision of what you have to work with, in regards to your time. Think about how you feel at the end of each day. Some people still have plenty of energy and others are ready to drop by 6 PM. With all of that in mind, look at that list of things you want to add to your schedule. What can you cut? What should stay? Do the things that you want to keep as part of your holidays fit into your schedule? If so, add them to your calendar.
Also, are there things that don’t feed your soul? This is the year to drop them. You don’t have to put up the lights on the outside of your house this year. You can go for a drive through a neighborhood with especially nice lights to get the twinkle in. A couple of years ago we bought an artificial tree during a great sale. I had always balked at the idea of an artificial tree, but it was getting too hard to deal with a real one each year. We even bought scented sticks that make the tree smell real. Now, we get just as excited setting up our tree as we ever did a real one. This has simplified life.
To survive the holidays, get help
Are there things you can delegate this month? Can a friend take your kids caroling? Can you ask your children to decorate the tree this year (if they are old enough)? Shop online, rather than hitting the stores. All of these things will reduce the amount of energy you have to expand.
Where will the family celebrate?
Often, it’s difficult to go out of town for the holidays when someone in your family has cancer. This might mean having family come to you. That doesn’t mean the work should come to you. If you choose this option, let everyone know that you will need their help. Make sure everyone knows that you can’t have people stay at your house at this time.
What about the meal?
Make a list of things you need help with, including what you would like for meal items. One way of doing this is to take care of the turkey and ask visitors to bring a side item. A couple of people can bring pies. Even if guests are coming from out of town, they can pick up prebaked pies and sides from the local store. Some people avoid cooking altogether by having the meal catered. In order to organize this, use a mass email or an app like Facebook Messenger to delegate menu items. Have someone bring plastic plates and utensils so there’s minimal clean-up.
If you are going to survive the holidays you have to be honest
Family and friends often have a hard time getting used to the fact that you are dealing with cancer. It can be difficult for them to envision how much this affects your life. This is especially true if the patient is able to carry on as if they are fine, even if it is with great difficulty. This amazing acting job can bite you in the end. Let everyone know that even though it will be harder than usual, you still want to celebrate. You just need some help to make that possible. Hopefully, they will be more than happy to help.
Answer the question
People will ask if there is anything you need help with. So often we say, “No, but thank you for asking.” Why do we do this? They wouldn’t ask if they didn’t want to help. Be prepared to answer the question. Have a list of things you need to have done, ready. What can be delegated?
Know when you need to say “no” so you can survive the holidays.
Are you tired? Lay down. The party can carry on while you rest. Remember to budget your time and space. Have a room that’s just for you. This is important when you go visiting, also. Ask the host if they have a spare room where you can lay down if you need to. Discuss this with them ahead of time so they can be prepared.
This year you can do more than survive the holidays. You can thrive during this festive season. Take lots of pictures and video. Embrace the joy and even the sad feelings that come with this time of year. Be there for one another and give thanks for the good things. Be gentle with one another—and yourself.
What is one thing you plan on doing differently this year? Please share in the comments.
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In 2012 doctors diagnosed my husband, Dan, with stage IV lung cancer. Since then, our family has been learning what it means to face cancer. I’ve focused my writing and speaking on helping cancer patients and their families advocate for themselves and live life to the fullest, in spite of their illness. My goal is to help people face cancer with grace.
My book Facing Cancer as a Friend: How to Support Someone Who Has Cancer, is available on Amazon.com
Also, put your memories into words with The Memory Maker’s Journal.
I also blog at Heather Erickson Author/Writer/Speaker